Manny Being Retarded

First off, as an avid Yankees fan, I have a distinct dislike for the Red Sox. Babe Ruth and 26 World Series titles aside, my dislike has turned to outright hatred that last few seasons thanks to Manny Ramirez. Not because he is one of the best hitters in the game. Not because he kills the Yanks. And not because (seemingly) everyone in "Red Sox Nation" adores him. It's because he is a complete idiot with no accountability which has been dubbed "Manny being Manny". Sure, it's not uncommon for players to ask for trades, have a melancholy outlook of the team's performance, or getting into fights with teammates. But shoving a Red Sox employee to the ground (and a 60 year-old man at that) for not being able to score free tickets? Just saying "my bad" is good enough for the Boston brass; I'll bet Shawn Chacon would love to have had that kind of leeway. If I shoved one of my co-workers to the ground and said "just do your job", would I be able to makes things right with just an apology? No; I would be occupying a spot in the unemployment line. But so long as the Sox are winning and Manny can still hit a baseball (since he fields like a blind midget 90% of the time), his antics will continue to be tolerated. Mark my words, though: one of these days, he will cost Boston in the playoffs, and will more than likely be indifferent about it. Maybe, just maybe we will be lucky enough that he will have a Bill Buckner-esque moment, and Boston will see him for just what he is: a spoiled brat not worth the trouble.

It's Joba Time!

Amongst the gloom and doom that has become our flailing economy (that is somehow not in a recession?), there is a shining beacon of hope to lift us up: Joba Chamberlain's first win as a starter. This calls for a national holiday. Scratch that, a whole week of national holidays is in order. Joba will use his 100 mph fastball to raise the value of the dollar. He will buckle the knees of oil speculators with his changeup. And he will leave anti-American sentiments in a crumpled heap with the deftness of his curveball. (Note: I saw him pitch while in New York last year, and can attest to the Jesus-like healing powers of his pitching.) Give Joba two weeks of starts and he will have this country back where it was in the 90's; with a booming economy, a surplus in the federal reserve, and a democrat in office leading us to prosperity. All this while leading the 27th World Series parade through the Bronx. Every good superhero has a good side-kick, and the Yankees lineup is certainly not lacking: take your pick of the Sandman, the Kid, or my personal favorite, Jason Giambi's 'stache. Good times will be here again, unless of course the Evil Empire somehow ruins everything.