Thursday, June 26, 2008

It's Joba Time!

Amongst the gloom and doom that has become our flailing economy (that is somehow not in a recession?), there is a shining beacon of hope to lift us up: Joba Chamberlain's first win as a starter. This calls for a national holiday. Scratch that, a whole week of national holidays is in order. Joba will use his 100 mph fastball to raise the value of the dollar. He will buckle the knees of oil speculators with his changeup. And he will leave anti-American sentiments in a crumpled heap with the deftness of his curveball. (Note: I saw him pitch while in New York last year, and can attest to the Jesus-like healing powers of his pitching.) Give Joba two weeks of starts and he will have this country back where it was in the 90's; with a booming economy, a surplus in the federal reserve, and a democrat in office leading us to prosperity. All this while leading the 27th World Series parade through the Bronx. Every good superhero has a good side-kick, and the Yankees lineup is certainly not lacking: take your pick of the Sandman, the Kid, or my personal favorite, Jason Giambi's 'stache. Good times will be here again, unless of course the Evil Empire somehow ruins everything.


plurie said...

As long as Giambi doesn't make any more comments about his thongs.

Uncle T said...

Remember this name: Josh Fields.

He is the next phenom coming out of college (Georgia). He will make Mariano Riveria look like a softball pitcher. He is already throwing 99-100 mph.

He looks like Jesus, too. Remember, the south will rise again.